Akatsuki And The Real World
by Cashmerella
Summary: They're trapped in our world, forced to blend in while looking for a way home. Shenanigans ensue, from making a boy band to working at McDonald's. T for language and occasional suggestive humor.


Deidara woke up groaning. "My head hurts, hn..." A loud noise startled him. The enemy?!

He had been lying in an alley, and on the nearby street, traffic was bustling. The lanes were full of speeding cars zooming and honking away.

Deidara gaped in disbelief. How did he get here? What were those... giant THINGS with people inside?! He backed away in shock and tripped over something, falling on his rear. "OI! Who put this junk-!?" He stopped, eyes widened.

"...D-Danna...?"

It was Sasori. Or, his... corpse? But how...? Surely he couldn't be alive. He was dead, and Deidara knew that. He poked the puppet's cheek. ...Wait. Flesh...?

Sasori growled and grabbed his hand suddenly. "EEP!" Deidara squeaked in surprise, then coughed and composed himself.

"Erm, it's good to see you alive... however... erm, where in the world are we, hn?"

Sasori scowled, looking around. "Hell if I know. Last thing I remember was that stupid Sakura and Chiyo-" he grumbled, not wanting to recall the story of his defeat.

"Huh. Well, uh... should we look around, hn?"

Sasori sighed and nodded, then pulled himself up. He paused. "Wait. Why is my body..." He looked at his flesh hands in disbelief. "What kind of trick is this...?"

"Perhaps it's genjutsu...?" Deidara hoped. Sasori frowned, shaking his head. "I don't think so."

"Well, you're not really very useful without your puppets, hn? I guess we should get a better view of this place." He pulled out a clay bird and the two stood there for a good few minutes.

"Are you going to DO anything?" Sasori snapped impatiently.

"I-I'm trying! It's not working!" Deidara panicked. "Oh, God! I-I can't feel the chakra flow, hn! W-we can't go jutsu's here...! W-what are we going to do!? We're going to dieee!" He screamed in a very uncharacteristic panic, before being slapped hard by Sasori.

"Calm the Hell down, Deidara."

"S-sorry... That's not really very fitting behaviour for an Akatsuki member... But, I'm sort of freaking out, hn..." Deidara sighed wearily. "Jesus, I'm acting more childish than Tobi... how embarrassing..."

"Let's get a look around on foot." Sasori gave more of an order than a suggestion, and Deidara nodded, finding it much easier to take orders when he had no idea what the heck he was doing alone.

They walked out onto the sidewalk, getting some strange looks and whispers amongst the people. "They're all wearing odd clothes, hn," Deidara muttered to Sasori, eyeing a teenager in ripped skinny jeans with an eyebrow raised.

"Deidara... I think we're the odd ones here," Sasori replied begrudgingly. "Our cloaks really stand out..."

Deidara noticed the people staring and went red in the face. "O-oi! Mind your own business, hn!" he snapped, losing his patience as Sasori facepalmed.

"You're making us stand out even more doing that, y'know...? Let's just keep going."

They walked silently, at a loss for words at the sights in a bustling city. Finally, Sasori spoke.

"So... what happened? After I died, I mean. How long has it been?"

"Well, it's been a good while. But man, I'm glad to see you, Danna. That Tobi brat is driving me crazy, hn," Deidara grumbled.

"Tobi? Why are you hanging around Tobi?"

"Well, uh... haha, funny story... he sort of replaced you, hn!" Deidara laughed nervously.

"WHAT?"

Their conversation was interrupted by shouting nearby. They quickly ran to investigate.

They found Hidan shaking a middle-aged pedestrian, screaming in a fit of rage. Nearby onlookers were taking video and pictures by phone. Kakuzu was standing a good few metres away, trying to scout the area, and also trying to pretend they didn't know each other.

"WHAT IS THIS UNGODLY HELL?! WHERE THE **** AM I?! I DEMAND ANSWERRRS!"

"I-I don't know! What's going ooon!?" The man shouted in confusion and despair.

Kakuzu must've spotted Deidara, because next thing he knew Kakuzu had slunk over next to them. "Well, I see we're not the only ones here. Thank God." He paused, as though he'd just noticed. "...Sasori?"

"What." He was clearly annoyed.

"...Nothing, nevermind." Kakuzu seemed to shrug it off easily, given all the weirdness that was going on.

A moment later, a police officer was approaching at a run, noticing the commotion.

"HEY! You there! Unhand that man!"

Hidan scowled. "What're you gonna do about it!?" He formed a hand seal, and paused for a moment. Nothing happened. "...Whaa?" The officer punched him in the face.

"Hidan...! Man down!" Kakuzu rushed in to assist his partner. He tackled the police officer.

The officer grabbed his tazer and shot Kakuzu, who shrieked, gave some quirky jerks and fell over. Sasori and Deidara joined in the fight while onlookers stared in awe. Huffing and sweating, the four men pulled themselves up from the unconscious officer, emerging victorious.

"YEEEAH! Hahaha! Serves you right, bastard! The might of God compels you!" Hidan shouted energetically, giving him a swift kick as ten police cars pulled up, sirens blazing.

"...Crap."

The prison cell was a bit small for the four of them, who sat there bruised, tired and annoyed. Hidan piped up after awhile. "In my defence-"

"Shut up," all three retorted in unison.

An officer walked over and sneered at them. "Your friends posted bail. You're free to go."

They looked at each other in confusion, but quickly shuffled out of the cell, happy to be free.

When they exited, they were greeted by two familiar faces. Well... One familiar face and a SOMEWHAT familiar face, but-

"Kisame? You look... normal?"

The human-looking man who was supposedly Kisame scowled. "Hey, what's that supposed to mean?! D'you know how hard it was to steal that much money? We're basically broke here, y'know."

"...Good to see you're alright." Itachi added politely to them.

"How did you know we'd be here?"

"Well, it's natural to assume that any civilization has some sort of enforcement of rules. Rules that one of you would undoubtably break. We figured that was a start," Kisame explained. His silent partner nodded.

"...Is everyone here?" Kakuzu questioned. Itachi nodded again. "...Come with us."

In the slums, they gathered in a broken-down, abandoned shack. They all felt quite relieved upon seeing their leader.

"Pain! You're here too? We're saved, un!" Deidara exclaimed in relief. Pain narrowed his eyes.

"...It wouldn't seem so."

"...Huh?"

Konan spoke up. "We are trapped in what we believe to be an alternate universe. We cannot use justu here. We have no place to stay, nor means of payment. ...We're basically pretty screwed," she explained quite plainly. Pain coughed. "I mean, we're at a... disadvantage."

"Great, just great." Hidan rolled his eyes, exasperated. "And I see even YOU made it here?" He glared at Tobi. "Can we just get rid of this twerp already? After all, Sasori's back." He pointed behind him to Sasori, who was glaring daggers over in his replacement's direction.

"Haha, you're funny, Hidan!" Tobi giggled. He waved like an excited child. "Hi, Sasori! Good to see you agaaaain!" If looks could kill, Tobi would be dead a hundred times over.

"Tobi, you look surprisingly normal. Is that what you've always looked like under your mask?" Kisame asked in good spirits.

He nodded cheerfully. "Yeah! I'm a hunk, right?!"

"And that's...?" He motioned over next to him.

"This is Zetsu!"

Seeing Zetsu as a human was... odd. "One, or both of them?"

"We are Zetsu," Zetsu replied plainly.

"Meh, good enough, I guess."

"...What's our plan to move forward?" Itachi questioned.

Everyone looked to their leader.

"We will have to learn to make our way in this world, while looking for a way to return to ours. After all, we need food, shelter, and of course, money."

"What should we do, boss!?" Tobi asked eagerly.

"To start... we get jobs."


End file.
